Dater Beware: Not so New and Deadly Mutations of Men to Watch out For

“I’m just a good guy doing bad things…”

Even if you’re the most intuitive of women, with no fears of intimacy, co-dependency, boundary issues, or run-of-the-mill neurosis, there are those men that can slip through the cracks, ruin an otherwise good life, and make you wish you had been in a coma during your prime dating years.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell until it’s too late. Here are just a few of the most problematic men to steer clear of when diving into the deep sea of dating. This is far from a complete list―simply some of the most obvious choices. These guys may intrigue at first, but in the end will screw with your psyche, your sanity and your greatness―and for an encore, will give you some serious heartbreak. Do NOT neglect the warning signs.

The Ambiguous Guy: Most women have been in this situation at one time or another―wondering whether the guy she’s spending…er…wasting her time with, is interested in her as a girlfriend or just a buddy. And although there’s a good chance this guy is into you, there’s a higher probability that he’s just using you for ego gratification while he looks for women he wants to sleep with. Predictably, all it takes is for him to see you out with someone spectacularly handsome, and suddenly, he’s all over you like a tongue on a frozen lamp post.

Ambiguous guys don’t want to go on dates―they want to “hang out” so that they can capitalize on all the perks that go along with that kind of arrangement. They avoid the labels of “boyfriend-girlfriend” so that they’re in the clear to see (translation…mount) other women, without the guilt of feeling (appropriately so) like a dirt bag.

The Wandering Eye guy: This is the guy who feels the need to check out every woman in the room when he’s with you. I’m not talking about just looking here―we are visual creatures after all, but ogling and staring when you’re date/significant other is sitting right across the table is quite another thing. That sort of blatant disrespect is sure to lead to a slip of a business card, napkin or paper all inclusive of phone number, email, and text, and you can bet, that a wandering pecker is not far behind. This guy is a walking cheating hazard, so stay away.

The Aspiring-to-Be Guy: This is the type of guy that is as prevalent in NY as bagels and good pizza. There is something very swoony about this guy―you know, the artist type: waiter/actor, carpenter/musician, and housepainter/sculptor. This guy exudes a brooding depth, charisma and a certain vulnerability that you just can’t resist―not to mention that bewitching zest for sex anywhere and anytime, including stairwells and rooftops. (It’s New York City…our roofs are your beaches and field of dreams.) How can you not be taken in by someone who has written a song about you and serenades you on their guitar? Without these guys, NYC would have been a dating desert for us in our 20’s and 30’s.

But what drew us in then, isn’t doing it for us now, when in his 40’s and 50’s, he’s still clutching that guitar, insistent on moving to some grunge town like Boulder or Austin where smoking pot is the norm, and refusing to grow up is par for the course. This is a guy who will never mature, and you’ll be the one supporting him. He’ll always be an aspiring something and a dreamer, on a quest for eternal youth.

The Renaissance Man (self-proclaimed): Do NOT under any circumstances go out with this guy. Seriously. Been there done that, and the only relationship I have ever regretted. Powerful words, eh?

There is a big difference between being a Renaissance man (Machiavelli’s idea of the perfect man) and defining yourself as one. If you try and think of examples of Renaissance men, remember that it’s not enough that they have brilliant minds, or that they are fine sportsmen, or that they’re well hung and virile―nor is it sufficient that they are musically gifted. They must be talented in ALL these areas. Piece of cake right?

Well, this self-proclaimed Renaissance man with his overinflated ego, has deluded himself into believing he is that person. He’s the guy that initially magnetizes and draws you in with his dizzying intellect and witty repartee, charming you long enough for you to be privy to his self-serving narcissistic ways. He will present himself as one who possesses all-encompassing knowledge and no matter what you think you know, he will always know better than you. And don’t bother challenging him lest you be on the receiving end of a condescending chuckle, and a brutal tongue lashing. Without a thought, he will cut you down in front of friends like the prick he is. He doesn’t make any money ever, but that’s not his fault. He blames the system.

They are all like this, so don’t think for a minute that your Renaissance man isn’t. They all have entitlement issues that are off the chart. Drop the SOB!

The Married Man: If you are married, you suck for cheating on your husband. If you are single, then you should know better…really. It’s never appropriate to date a married guy unless he’s legally separated (and even that’s risky) Move out and move on! Why?

– If he’s cheating on his wife, you can bet your sweet sacred spot, he’ll cheat on you too. Don’t be a schlemiel.

– You only think you’re seeing his true personality.

-He’s a liar. Most cheaters are.

– Have you ever heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Affairs are disasters―not some of the time, not most of the time, but ALL OF THE TIME.

– He won’t be able to keep up the lies and the deception and it will fester leading to a disaster of epic proportions. Divorce. He’ll lose everything: his wife, his house, half his income, his possessions, his kids…everything. And you know who he’ll blame, don’t you? Bingo! You are officially the temptress/slut that destroyed his life.

Leave him and be done with it.

The Loser Guy – The guy out of his freaking mind: No exceptions here. Trust your intuition. If you suspect any personality disorders, narcissistic or suicidal tendencies, manic depressives or even a tad of schizophrenia, run for the hills. Seriously. You won’t be happy with the guy in Cuckoo’s Nest.

Still hanging on to the damaged narcissist? Great! He’s beaten your soul out of recognition and you don’t know who you are anymore, but hey, hang in there, things might turn around some day. (NOT!)

What the hell! You’ve been devalued. Sadistically put down, robbed of any security, told you’re disposable, and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT! If you’re with a man who devalues you even once, get the hell out. If you give him another chance, the probability of him doing it again is 100%. Get out and find somebody sane.

Hell, just stay away from anyone that makes you chronically unhappy. And make it your business to never date anyone more mentally off than you are. It is way, way better to be unhappy on your own than to be unhappy with some loon.

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