Gettin’ your bitch on doesn’t need to involve bustin’ a cap in someone’s ass or hittin’ up some hot bitches. “Shit did you see Kayla last night? Dat bitch had her hood on!”
Okay, so I may not be that in-your-face-finger-snappin’ ghetto bitch, but I do reserve my inner bitch for those instances where placating and submissive postures will only get my ass kicked. And for those of us with an urban upbringing, survival tactics, attitude and a little bitchdom go a long way.
Basic Bitch 101
Let me preface this by saying that the words bitch, biyatch, and bee-otch―not to be confused with my bitch-slut, hussy, she-devil, meangirl, vixen, wench, or the “c” word, are used quite loosely in my vocabulary and never take themselves too seriously. In fact in my world they are quite complimentary. They connote: confidence, sassiness, feistiness, and a no-nonsense attitude. The bitch I’m referring to is never rude or abrasive, nor is she the classic cut-throat office bitch who is hated by her co-workers. She is a strong spirited woman who can stand up for herself. She is compassionate, has an inner strength and a presence of mind. She knows when to pull back and she doesn’t lose herself in a man. She has a certain moxie about her―sugar and spice and not always so nice. Her spice is an intriguing quality that keeps men interested. A woman who is “too nice” or too needy, will keep giving until she’s depleted.
We’ve all had those moments in time, when our inner-bitch revealed itself―maybe in a fight-or-flight response to an altercation in high school with the ‘mean girls’ (the true bitches), or maybe you embraced your inner bitch when you stood your ground or showed a strong will. I can remember a time, in dating mode, when I was perhaps a bit soft, too appeasing. Somewhat timid. You’re thinking to yourself, there is nothing timid about you bee-otch! Well, in my younger more insecure years, I was a yellow-bellied, spineless follower, trying to fit in with the coolest. I did a pretty decent job faking it, ‘cuz guys were calling me.
When I’d be interested in a guy though, fear would settle over me like a stubborn cloud, and when he’d call at the last minute and casually invite me over, did I say, “Oh hey..I’m sorry, I’m busy, but give me a bit more notice next time.”
“I’ll be there in a bit,” I’d say, and I’d madly rush in and out of the shower, throw on some clothes, slather on makeup, spray a generous cloud of perfume and dash through it and out the door (I hate perfume). I’ll spare you the play-by-plays, but after many years of an on-again, off-again romance with my college buddy and love of my life (the 20’s felt like my life), feeling more often like an over accessible needy suspecting fool, I had finally had enough. A calm came over me. I was done. Jerks, dicks, and heartless SOB’s in my life, no more! A small stubborn voice buried deep within the essence of my soul finally got some cajones and shrieked, “Fuck this! I am not taking any more shit. I’m finished. Fuck you. Fuck off and good night!
And lo and behold, the bitch was born. A holy terror on dates, matter-of-fact, and always expressing my opinion―I just didn’t care. And holy shit, they started flocking. All of a sudden, things began to make sense. Men go for bitches―feisty, bold, opinionated women who spare no feelings biyatches. But why?
The definition of unforgettably sexy, taken right from the male rulebook: A woman who can function on her own and take care of herself. She won’t let me always have the upper hand. She’s a straight shooter, and doesn’t take shit from anybody. That’s the woman I’ll work harder to be with.
The fact that men prefer strong sexy bitches should come as no surprise. Apparently according to hundreds of men polled, confident women are in very short supply, and a confident woman is the sexiest kind of woman. Is it that shocking that confident women are hard to come by? Nearly every freakin’ fashion magazine has the skinny bitches convinced that to keep their man they need to play the servant role. “Can you serve a cold beer in trashy lingerie and stilettos? Are you givin’ it up doggie-style over the kitchen counter, the tub? ‘Cuz if so, he’ll drop to one knee and propose right there.”
All women are learning from this shit is how to be needy and desperate. “Pick me, choose me, love me,” (barf..puke..tossing my salad and then my cookies) one of the sappiest Grey’s Anatomy lines ever (clearly an off day for the writers) is the most certain death of a man’s desire. Being extra nice to your man will NOT make him more devoted. Begging never works, and over-pleasing is just pathetic. When you are too worried about a man’s approval, you lose all respect.
Imagine if our roles were reversed and men cooked and cleaned for us, picked up our dirty clothes, and couldn’t wait to get married. Imagine your boyfriend getting all emotional every time you strolled past a Baby Gap, or left wedding hints around the house in post-it form. Maybe he would greet you at the door at the end of the day in nothing but an apron and cowboy boots, ready to do a chippendales replay. Add in a few ultimatums: “Where’s my ring? Why haven’t you asked me yet?” and you’d come down with a sudden case of WTF??? Then, planning a quick escape, you would spew the inevitable, “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not ready.” And with that, you’d blow out the door in a New York second.
Bottom line, men need a mental challenge, and like it when women have a bit of an edge to them. Men want to commit to women who exude confidence and are in control of their lives. Men prefer sassy verses sappy. They also view a bitch, as synonymous with mental challenge, a characteristic that above all, they find sexiest. A woman who is seen as particularly kind or selfless doesn’t come off as that hard-to-get. Once a guy falls in love however, his game-playing mentality melts away and he can appreciate those qualities.
But until then, go ahead. Ditch the nice girl and embrace your new and improved bitch. Go on…Don’t make me go Xena on your ass bee-otch!!