Is There a Difference Between Being Considered ‘Attractive’ and ‘Fuckable?’

“I’ve still got it"

Last week’s post,  “It’s the Age of the Sexy MILF – Once Taboo, Now Perversely Erotic,” seemed to arouse interest, (shocking) and provoke discussion—and since I seem to be heading down the road to erotica at some point soon, I felt the topic warranted some further dialogue.

A comment I received today comes from a sassy mother of two, servant of two needy canines, wife of one, and exiled Hollywood screenwriter, who spent most of her “so-called  adult life” as she puts it, writing for TV and films in LA. As snarky and opinionated as me, I couldn’t help but connect with this ex-New Yorker. Minka and I clearly share the self-absorbed narcissistic gene, and both have a need to be heard…in more than 140 characters at a time. New Yorkers have the gift of gab, and we won’t be stifled…we just won’t damn-it!

So today, I share my virtual podium and megaphone with this sassy and talented literary maven, Minka Fieldstone, who also happens to wear the MILF badge of honor. Here is her comment:

Minka says:
April 4, 2011 at 2:54 pm

“Really well articulated, Karen! My simplest reply is that I never, for a second, took this phrase to be anything but a compliment and am in total agreement with you. Lets face it, does anyone ever really dislike being told they’re attractive? On the other hand, people who think there’s a difference between being considered “attractive” by someone, rather than “fuckable,” is in total puritanical denial. We are animals. Despite our intellectual and spiritual compulsions to be something better — or rather “more” –, this is simply not the reality.

The first time I received the honor of being called a MILF I was totally psyched. “I’ve still got it!” I thought to myself, smiling all the while. And I agree with everything you said as to why this has become somewhat of a phenomenon — having children later, staying in better shape, plastic surgery and botox, etc. But it is definitely a balancing act — not confusing being sexy with acting immature. The only thing that sometimes challenges my ability to walk that line is my daughter’s reactions to me. She’s still a tween, but very aware. And every now and then, I can tell she wishes I looked more stereotypically “maternal.” Yet at the same time, she has also voiced how proud she is that her mom is an athlete who takes good care of herself and dresses “cool.” I suppose this shows that there is still a troubling distance left to travel for women in today’s culture — the fact that my daughter has questions about a woman’s image and what is or isn’t correct or acceptable… To say she’s picking up on my inner conflict is, I think, too simple an analysis. No doubt she’s picking up a lot of her attitudes from media and others around her… Anyway, great blog. Thanks!”

Karen says:
April 4, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Two birds of a feather…Must be a bit of the “How the hell did I grow up in NY, and end up freakin’ here” syndrome. Although in lieu of screenwriting in Hollywood, I opted to perfect my calf roping in Colorado. Either way, here we are, me in suburbia, you living dangerously close to the Ohio state line. Both of us trying to making sense of the absurdity of our lives with literary humor, occasional rants, and in my case a lot of long-winded gibberish.
Loved your must have been stifling the “snarky and wittily articulated scorn” for your own blog..regardless, I’m glad you had something to contribute. It was appropriate given the slew of acronyms I’d been recently exposed to writing some erotica for phone sex blogs. Yes, my Jewish mother would be ‘kvelling.’

Being a “hot” single mom, (not to be confused or compared to the likes of Hollywood goddesses), and knowing you still “have it,” is an awesome feeling (when the hormones aren’t kicking my hot ass) I’ve always been a sensual person, and my recent entry into the online dating world after a long hiatus, was proof that the hotness factor is so much more about sex appeal than standard good looks. In my case, “fuckability” has had more to do with a certain air of confidence, my embracing my midlife sexuality, and my focus not being so much about the future as living in the moment. My expressions seem to exude it all…the lust, the erotic urges, that reptilian need to feel good and to stimulate ourselves. It’s that hunger to regress to an animalistic and primal state that makes us even more “fuckable,” especially as a mom. Add on the maternal factor, the devotion, the sacrifices and  instincts to protect your cubs at all costs and “hot damn,” as they say here in W. Virginia!

I think your daughter is lucky to have a mom that is not repressed and can teach her to embrace all that she is, eliminating her desperation to fit into an unrealistic mold. It’s a good thing you’re not in LA anymore. If she sees her own mom being perceived as hot, “even at “her age,”she’ll embrace age, her sexuality and that fabulous journey of a woman’s life. I say, wear that milfdom with honor and milk that “fuckability” as long as you can!

Minka, you rock…Love your blog! Keep on reading!

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2 Responses to Is There a Difference Between Being Considered ‘Attractive’ and ‘Fuckable?’

  1. Minka says:

    OMFG — I am humbled/honored/flattered/shocked to be featured in your fantastic blog. Holy shit. Seriously. You are too cool. And I do apologize for the lack of snarky, witty scorn that usually flows from me uncontrollably and often inappropriately (see future blog regarding my daughter’s request that I “don’t talk like that” when her friends are over. Ouch!). I was too busy trying to be thoughtful, and sometimes i just suck at multi-tasking. I think your above comment really goes to the heart (and other deeper, darker, private…) parts of the MILF thing. It’s about owning who you are. And lemme tell ya, after living a long-ass time in L.A., the one thing people didn’t know how to own (ironic, given that most people believe their identity is found in how much flashy shit they can buy and parade around town — including sex partners) is themselves. They either don’t take the time to figure out who that person is, or they don’t like them very much anyway. And after living around all those superficial, insecure assholes for so long, I understand why!

    But I digress (as always…. which you now know from reading my blog!) — I LOVE that you are a living, breathing, foreplaying and fucking example of a real woman. One whose sexuality is a reflection of being comfortable in her own skin, and not a skin that’s too many sizes too small, or merely a copy of whoever’s skin is the latest trend.

    As for my daughter being lucky…. I think time will tell! Probably she feels that way about half the time these days, as I moodily wrestle with an uncertain future and continually struggle to nurture myself when nurturing the kids and a marriage (not to mention my lovable but needy fucking dogs!) often seem to be sucking the life out of me. And not in a good way. Maybe it’s good that men are attracted to women who seem a little crazy… They interpret us as “exciting” or “mysterious” or “interesting…,” when in reality, some of us really are just a little freakin’ nuts. Or that’s just how it comes out when you’re candid about how challenging it can be to wear all these hats (or negligees, or cardigan sweaters for the PTA meetings…. ha!) and switch roles several times a day.

    I have to admit, at times my sexuality is harder to find than Osama bin Laden. But I haven’t given up yet! I’ll keep it alive as long as I can.

    And yes — birds of a feather… So great to meet a kindred spirit. Keep on writing! I love what you have to say. And yes, we NYers never know when to shut the f*ck up… then again, if we didn’t say it, a lot of it might never get said.

    Here’s to you, fellow MILF :)

    • Karen says:

      LOL..and I am equally as humbled/honored and flattered to have you reading my occasional nonsense. Okay, not nonsense..sheer brilliance, pearls of wisdom..Oh shit..yes, my name is Karen, and I’m a self-absorbed ex-New Yorker, who has a desperate need to be heard, and spew my insight, whether you want to hear it or not;)
      Minka, I love what you have to say, I love your flair, your sass, your crudeness, and your literary genius. I think you and I may need to cross paths and do something great together. Have been wanting to write a book..and you just may be the perfect New York Bitch who writes it with me! 😉

      You are the shit my dear, I laugh out loud when I read your day-to-days..I have no clue how I stumbled over you, but lucky me…seriously. I would love for you to consider doing a guest post on my blog. You are the epitome of what my blog represents. You are my poster child, minus the single parenting. Please let me know how to get in touch with you privately. Look me up on FB if you dare, Karen Catalan, (I know you’re breaking out in hives) and on Twitter (TheScarletDogma). Cheers to you, fellow MILF..the Ya-Yas have it!

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